Would you like to go for biscuits? A Johnlock fanfic and parody
by Tink1507
Summary: Sherlock and John meet for the first time and it seems perfect until the mischievous Moriarty comes along... Co-written with ZoFishSmith (user on wattpad)


**This is my first attempt at a fanfic so I hope you like it! This was co-written with my friend; you can find her on Wattpad, her username is ZoFishSmith :) This is quite a random parody so be warned :)**

Sitting on a dusty shelf, Sherlock sat alone.

The poor teacup had been abandoned, causing him to yearn for attention and social interaction.

Much to Sherlock's delight, another teacup was placed next to him. The teacup was no ordinary teacup; not to Sherlock anyway. He had a fine glossy paint finish with a sparkling gold curved handle which had clearly been made with love and care. He was beautiful. Half of a heart was painted delicately on the face of the cup. Coincidentally, Sherlock's engravement of a heart matched perfectly with the other teacup.

Sherlock couldn't help but stare at the teacup's perfect figure. He noticed a bit of his tea pool below him.

He had leaked.

This leakage had drawn attention; the teacup blushed a soft shade of pink. "H-Hello," He began shyly, "I'm John."

Sherlock thought that John's blush was adorable but couldn't help but feel embarrassed that he had noticed his situation.

"Sherlock." He replied, meeting John's eyes.

Sherlock's teacup heart raced at the sight of John's stunning blue eyes.

Much to Sherlock's delight, John blushed to a deeper shade of crimson, inviting more of Sherlock's flattering attention.

"So..." Sherlock began awkwardly, "would you like to accompany me for biscuits later?"

Sherlock waited for John's answer with anticipation; he hoped that John would reply positively to his request.

John tried to hide his willing smile as he accepted. "I would like that...Sherlock." He let out an awkward giggle; Sherlock thought it was endearing.

Breaking the sexual tension filled air, another teacup was placed between them.

"Sorry, Who are you?" John asked, a bit more aggressively than he intended. "Jim Moriarty," replied the teacup, "Hi."

John couldn't stop the surge of jealousy that overwhelmed him at the flirtatious glance Moriarty sent Sherlock.

"Hello." Sherlock replied hesitantly.

"Well look at you," Moriarty began, " I could cut myself slapping those cheekbones." He gave Sherlock a cheeky and mischievous smile. "Would you like me to try?" He winked. Sherlock met John's envious eyes; he returned an apologetic look. "Well?" Moriarty asked...

"Hey-" John started but was briskly cut off by Moriarty. "Why don't we ditch this antique cup and go to another place where we can have fun? A place with teacups and cup holders where we can do whatever we want..." the newly placed teacup proposed with a suggestive wink towards Sherlock.

"Look," John began, "I don't know who you think you are-" Maybe not but I know who you are," Moriarty responded, " a desperate, old teacup who needs to learn when to wrap your handle around your top! And you" he turned to face Sherlock, "I can see it in your eyes, I know how you feel about him, how can you fall for such a scruffy piece of pottery instead of me?! I will boil you. I will boil the heart out of you!" Anger surged through Sherlock at this point. "Yes, thank you for your input." Sherlock replied nonchalantly before aggressively pushing Moriarty off the shelf. Seconds later there was a smash; tea splattered over cabinets and chips of pottery swam in the pool of cooling tea.

"Are you okay, John?" Sherlock asked concerned.

"So...Moriarty thought you liked me then..." John said awkwardly.

"Perhaps." Sherlock replied smiling.

"So...erm..." John stuttered as he searched desperately for words to say, "Still up for biscuits?" He gave a weak smile as his face burned up and his heart accelerated.

Sherlock gave a soft chuckle before looking into John's sparkling eyes; they were filled with hope.

"Of course." He smiled.

Sherlock's eyebrows furrowed as he observed John's hand painted heart which resembled his own.

"John..." Sherlock hesitated. John looked at Sherlock in concern and smiled at him encouragingly.

"Don't our half hearts deduce that we should inconclusively be together?" Sherlock replied.

"It's as if we're meant to be..." John smiled softly.

The two teacups sat quietly beside the kitchen window as they both admired the sunset outside. They both took peace in the knowledge that they felt irrevocably attracted to each other at the very least...


End file.
